Thursday, April 12, 2012
I am learning to eliminate the words, never, I can't and things will never change from my vocabulary. March 2012 was a month of tremendous growth, change and spiritual advancement for me. It was also the month of studying for the Essentials part 2 Buddhist exam in my faith community, Soka Gakkai International www.sgi-usa.org. I spent the first two weeks of March living in a Santa Rosa hotel, helping my son transition to his new school in Lodi CA (on the edge of North Stockton). At first I thought this would be more of the same. I was surprised. Da boi has been embraced by a culturally diverse staff with many African American male role models. He feels the Central Valley is his home. His 30 day IEP meeting last Monday showed me again his gifts, his creativity his incredible potential. We will be meeting again on May 7th for his Triennial IEP that will set the stage for transitions, vocations, future plans. I am thrilled that he is back on a college prep track, attending Kung Fu four nights a week and other activities. He has even expressed an interest in attending our faith community's youth activities called, Rock The Era. Da dad, da sibs and my cousins are also back in the mix. The rest of March, I stayed with a friend in Penngrove- country delicious gorgeous, green and near Petaluma. More time for me to regroup as well as enter into my worst Asthma/Allergy flare in years. A time of considerable contemplation, exploration and connecting with my family of choice in Southern Sonoma County. I went back to Windsor to take my Buddhist exam on March 30th. El jibaro and I had several dialogues over the month. I was able to reiterate that I could not be in a relationship with him if he was drinking...bottom line. After taking the test, he told me that he had stopped drinking... So the whack shack has become a clean and sober shack. El jibaro and I are taking it a day at a time. Both of us doing lots of chanting. Me also attending as many attitude adjustment and stay in your own lane meetings as possible. It has been good for both of us as both of our families have members with serious illness and challenges at this time. The sweetness is that I have been able to make amends to my brother, continue connecting with family members and friends. Yesterday I found out I will be a great aunt in October. My 25 yo nephew in Minneapolis-St. Paul is the daddy to be. I have reclaimed my writing and creative muse. Last week, I visited with friends in Modesto where I lived for 10 years. I realized that da boi is right. We do need to return home to Modesto for him to finish high school. I am not sure what the family constellation will be or how long the transition will take. I do know that via employing the Strategy of the Lotus Sutra, I have been able to change poison into medicine. My life continues to unfold, jelly side up as always! Triple snaps of Joy and Laughter!
Friday, March 2, 2012
This article came across my timeline today via @urbancusp, "10 Things Every Black Woman Should Have"- http://www.urbancusp.com/newspost/10-things-every-black-woman-should-have/ I tweeted my list earlier today. Here is my list: 10 Things Every Black Woman Should Have 1. A sense of self- self love is an important part of self worth 2. A sense of history- know your ancestors, your community and those not like you 3. A sense of time- stay in the present- learn from the past, don't give up on your future 4. A sense of laughter- find the joy and gratitude in each day 5. A sense of family- Be it family of origin or family of choice- get past the anger, the control and make peace 6. A sense of sistahhood, find commonality and spend less time pulling each other down 7. A sense of brothas- yup they are part of the sky; yes they are human and needed too:) 8. A sense of youth and children- as they are more than our future, they are also our present 9. A sense of value-it is not about the hair, the clothes you wear or the bling you sling- you are a pearl of immeasurable wealth 10.A sense of community and politics; vote, participate, demonstrate, be an agent of change, not just an agent of critique What is on your list? Triple snaps, front and center!
Warning: If you see a lot of cliches, get over yourself- this is a stream of consciousness post:) A lot has happened since November 2011. I was in a world of hope and return to some paid medical writing work. Da boi had his juvenile court proceedings dismissed. I had plans to stay in Sonoma County to celebrate my first holiday season in 2 yrs with da boi- minus el jibaro. He went alone pouting to Puerto Rico for his annual one month Christmas/New Year's/business trip. Cracks were starting at Thanksgiving. Da boi insisted that el jibaro not spend Thanksgiving with us. I joyfully complied. Da boi and I spent three wonderful holiday weekends together. He showed me his pancake making prowess. I also remembered how much he talked, and talked and talked:) Great mama son time. My last day of paid writing work was December 22, 2012 Then January happened. Da boi had enough of his residential program- he had already been pulled out of therapeutic groups for "derailing the groups" and "negative participation." "Time to come home mom" he said, and started his own 5 weeks of civil disobedience (as he called it). 5 days of school suspension, 3 weeks of school refusal, three major AWOL episodes later, it was time to find a new program. I went into Amazon Advocate mode, spending hours on the phone daily with innumberable service agencies involved in my son's care. Lots of false starts, side stepping and plenty of opportunities to practice my spiritual program. At the same time El jibaro launched into heavier drinking complete with blackouts, verbal outbursts and more false promises. Last week, it all came to a head. Found out my 86 yo father had been in the hospital for 4 days due to dizzy spell and Alzheimer's disease. Thankfully car keys were confiscated by my brother. School district, county mental health, da boi's old school program and new school program spending a lot of back and forth time trying to decide "how to pay for da boi's program." El jibaro still cutting the fool so much that wonderpoodle was hiding from him. And then it hit me...time to blow dodge out of the Whack Shack.. Sunday, da boi did his last "acting out episode" at the old program resulting in his being taken to Juvenile Hall...again... I knew it was time for me to put on my big girl panties and move out. Tuesday, I moved to a hotel. Wednesday, I went to court with da boi- It wasn't pretty but he was released to my custody. We spent most of the day in the car going to agencies, signing off paperwork for his new school program Thursday, drove da boi up to his new program in Stockton Today, I am finally coming up for air. The nest egg is dwindling. My writing ideas are flowing. The wonderpoodle has stopped biting the fur on his legs. Enjoying the 195lb weight loss Triple snaps to all four corners!