How to Cure- free write from A Sea of Prompts

My writing instructor Stefanie Freele encouraged me to post this free-write. Blogger has been on the fritz all week. Glad I am finally able to post.

How to Cure

Thin your life neatly into short pieces. Keep some edges rough, some smooth. Season lightly with salty tears, pepper with wisdom. Toss in chopped hopes, filagreed dreams and secret wishes. Saute over a low flame. Let some pieces carmelize, others braise and a few soften. Lightly turn and spread over life rice. If a few pieces fall on the ground, no worries. There is always more to grow, to harvest to cook.

Remember it is good to save some in an open vessel to let the light and air keep it all fresh.

Eats well sometimes as snack, often as a meal. Great to nibble on after a long fast or a short nap.

Serves one well.

Enjoy!

Sonoma Scribes

Today I attended the first Meet-up for Sonoma County Scribes,http://www.meetup.com/Sonoma-County-Scribes/ in Santa Rosa. I met a group of interesting writers working in diverse genres. All had a passion for writing.

Some of us shared our writing. I shared two poems in progress. Also managed to scribble down more short lines in my "Print" and "Writing Journals."

Excited that I have found a new group of friends who love words.

My favorite writing teacher, Stefanie Freele,http://www.stefaniefreele.com/ sent out announcements for her next writing workshop in October in Healdsburg. Workshop is called "A Sea of Prompts." I am ready for more nudging and inspiration to write.

Next week, going to Redwood Writers http://www.redwoodwriters.org.

Recipes and more coming soon!

NaBloPoMo

Just found out that September is National Blog Posting Month http://www.nablopomo.com/ .
Also just noticed that my last blog posting was 7/15/10. Crap! Where does the time go?
I have been working on recipes, writing snips in my longhand journal and idea book (my writing teacher Stefanie Freele calls it a print book). Somehow nothing is getting onto my blog page.

Time to start... even if it is day 3:)

Oh Lawdy Mz Clawdy Apple Gingerbread

Here is my long awaited recipe- story to follow

I just made a batch this morning for Susan (where I housesat the last 8 days), my significant other MC Drummer (formerly known as Sweet Honey Man) and Boyd owner of Santa Rosa Bad Ass Coffee Company (twitter name SantaRosaBACC)

OH LAWDY MZ CLAWDY! Apple Gingerbread

Makes two loaf pans of the most chewy delicious sweet bread to hit your palate.

Ingredients

2 cups hand grated fresh apples
3 inches hand grated ginger root (approx 1/8- 1/4 cup)
3 large eggs
3/4 cup canola or walnut oil
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups unbleached flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Set oven to 325 F
Lightly oil/grease 2 loaf pans (I use spray canola or olive oil)

Grate ginger and apple- place in small bowl and mix- set aside

In another bowl beat eggs, sugar, oil and vanilla together set aside

In another bowl mix all dry ingredients- mix thoroughly! Add dry mixture to liquid mixture. Mix thoroughly. Add ginger and apple mixture to rest of ingredients- fold in but mix thoroughly.

Pour batter into two greased loaf pans. They will be about half full. Place loaf pans in center rack of oven. Cook for at least 45 minutes (some ovens take up to an hour). Bread is done when fork is clean when put into middle of bread. Take out of oven , cool on a rack.

Now get ready to say, Oh Lawdy Mz Clawdy! This bread makes a wonder breakfast bread- taste great with a bit of melted cheese or butter or jam. Cut it thicker to go with savory soups.

Eight Winds at Gale Force

C-c-changes happening. So much so I have been neglecting my blog.

In April, completed the Women's Initiative Simple Steps program. I now have a formal business plan for my start up- Indigo Lotus Navigators. Indigo Lotus Navigators is a integrative health navigation and advocacy program for children/adolescents with special mental health care needs, behavioral problems and learning differences.

Three weeks ago I had nasal septum reconstruction surgery to repair my nose broken by my son 18 months ago. It is a revelation to be able to breathe through both nostrils. I have much less facial pain and headache-still a bit due to recalcitrant sinuses. It was an inside job- I am not a MJ wannabe. My singing voice has come back- nice to have a voice without the froggy muco sound:) I am also in the middle of physical therapy for my silly back. Amazing how the pyriformis muscle can misbehave. It brings a whole new meaning to PITA. I hope to be back to Tai chi, Escrima and dancin' very soon.

I am back to writing my memoir cookbook and will start posting a few vignettes/recipes. Oh Lawdy Mz Clawdy Apple Gingerbread will be the first entry.

Been domicile deficient of late- currently housesitting and looking for new digs in Northern Sonoma County. I had two days of homelessness last week- slept in my car one night, a church shelter the next. Thank goodness for Episcopalians and wonderful friends of choice. I much prefer staying in a space without wheels where one can take an afternoon fiesta.

Not so short human is doing well at his residential school. Basketball continues to be his favorite sport. Lately telling me he wants to become an EMT and a chef like Bobby Flay.

Significant other becoming less significant- we shall see if Sweet Honey Man gets a clue:)

From Nichiren:

"Worthy persons deserve to be called so because they are not carried away by the eight winds: prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure. They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline. The heavenly gods will surely protect one who is unbending before the eight winds. But if you nurse an unreasonable grudge against your lord, they will not protect you, not for all your prayers." Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, vol 1 page 794

Winter always turns to Spring

"Those who believe in the Lotus Sutra are as if in winter, but winter always turns to spring. Never, from ancient times on, has anyone heard or seen of winter turning back to autumn. Nor have we ever heard of a believer in the Lotus Sutra who turned into an ordinary person. The sutra reads, 'If there are those who hear the Law, then not a one will fail to attain Buddhahood'"

Nichiren Daishonin, Winter Always turns to Spring- Writings of Nichiren Daishonin volume I page 536

I have heard this Gosho passage repeated to me over in over in times of trial and trouble throughout my 21+ years as a Nichiren practitioner. My initial response was an uh, huh, sure. The last 13 years when especially stressed, I would share with friends and seniors in faith that I was definitely experiencing a "nuclear winter" in my life. At times I felt my life stalling, moving sidewards and backwards...I didn't give up.

Well, spring has FINALLY come! Things started to gel in late January. I was able to find a wonderful residential school for my son to attend. He was able to leave juvenile hall after a 10 weeks stay (extended due to county employee furlough, district school vacation break and the usual many meetings that had to happen for placement to be approved). He is in an enriching learning and therapeutic environment not far from where I live. I can visit him and call him frequently.
He is testing limits- much like any other 13 yo but now having the support of many professionals 24/7.

The 19 month child support challenge by my son's father ended in February. I made the determination that I must see his dad as having a Buddha nature, to continually chant for his happiness and well-being. He agreed to pay for all back child support and reimbursed me for medical experiences. The best part is that he is back in our son's life. Yesterday he had his first visit with his son in over 7 years. Our son has only seen his dad twice before when he was 5 1/2. I was able to set up and support this visit with the help of my son's school clinician and house supervisor. It was a wonderful afternoon of basketball, video games and soccer for these two guys. My son's father also thanked me profusely. He plans to visit monthly.

So the my focus returns to my well-being and re-invention. I am finally insured via medi-cal so I am getting asthma care after 2 1/2 yrs of not having insurance. I was able to replace the glasses my son broke over a year ago. Sweet honey man and I are glowing and growing together.

With 6 weeks left of unemployment on my 1st extension, no child support coming in while my son is in residential school I know it is time to return to work. I have 1 month to go on the Simple Steps Business Course via the Women's Initiative (http://www.womensinitiative.org). I had to drop the course last fall due to my son's deterioration. I am now working on a 30 page business plan for an Integrative Health Navigator/Advocacy program for families with children/teens with mental health care and behavioral needs. A part of me also wants to return to clinical pediatrics- part time. My writing muse has returned. My creativity is flowing.

Amazing what can happen with building faith and confidence. My life today is truly Myo-Renge-Kyo.

An Experience I gave

This is the English language version of an experience I gave at the December 12, 2009, Spanish Language meeting for the Redwood Coast Soka Gakkai Region:

Opening my heart for Kosen Rufu

Good morning! My name is Pierrette Mimi Poinsett. I have been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for 21 yrs. I am a WD group leader in East Petaluma District. I am a pediatrician by training, a developing writer of poetry, prose and satire. I am also a single mom of a 12 yo son named Joshua.

For many years, one of my most favorite gosho quotes has been:

More valuable than treasures in a storehouse are the treasures of the body, and the treasures of the heart are the most valuable of all. From the time you read this letter on, strive to accumulate the treasures of the heart! (WND-1, 851). Over the last year I have learned to live this Gosho quote.

In November, 2008, I attended the year end district meeting for Valley of the Moon District. We had an activity to create flags with our determinations. I selected two phrases; Love works and Open your heart.

My situation at that time was critical. My son and I had moved from Modesto to Petaluma in early 2006 after I had closed my failing pediatric solo practice. By February 2006 my son had his first psychotic break and first hospitalization for bipolar disorder, Tourette’s disorder and Absence Seizures. I was forced to resign from the job I had moved for. My Modesto home took 11 months to sell. By October 2008 I had to short sale a townhouse I had purchased in Petaluma.

By November 2008, we had been homeless for 6 weeks, finally moving into a rental townhome complex called Lakeville Resorts- the most unsafe part of Petaluma. After a series of many part time jobs in Petaluma- I had my last employment in medicine in May 2008. Desperate I took a job working as a part time Barista for Peet’s Coffee and Tea and collected partial unemployment. After a year of paperwork, I had been awarded child support from my son’s father- however he was not paying any ordered child support. My son had broken my nose in September 08- by that time having 5 psychiatric inpatient hospitalizations and was transferred to a non public school. My relationships with members and leaders in my district and chapter were difficult- I seemed to always be in some form of conflict.

With all these challenges, I resolved to show victory in my life. I was determined to expand my life and to elevate my life condition. I was determined to readily face my fundamental darkness and turn poison into medicine. I chose to meet these challenges by deepening my understanding of the oneness of mentor and disciple. I determined to daily read encouragement by President Ikeda and study the Gosho (letters written by Nichiren Daishonin to his followers). I made sure to read the newspapers and magazines as soon I received them in the mail.

I first turned to a passage from the Gosho-

Nevertheless, even though you chant and believe in Myoho-renge-kyo, if you think the Law is outside yourself, you are embracing not the Mystic Law but an inferior teaching (WND-1, 3)

Over and over, I was reminded by trusted friends and leaders in the practice, to seek the Gohonzon in myself. To actualize that my life was Myoho-renge-kyo, to have total appreciation for my life and to be ready to stand up and break through my obstacles.

I also chanted daily to not begrudge or disparage my life, my son’s life or my son’s father’s life.

With this determination, I began to see some improvement in my son. He stabilized and excelled academically in a non –public school. We were able to access 6 months of in home theraputic behavioral services, he continued to participate actively in Boys and Girls club. He even attended a few youth division activities, although he refused adamantly to chant. Our relationship at home continued to be erratic- rare moments of peace with Josh becoming increasingly defiant, being verbally abusive and episodes of violence, destroying my things and threatening to destroy my Gohonzon. I had to find times to chant when he was either asleep or away from the house as he did his best to distract me.

Money continued to be scarce. By July 09, I was fully unemployed. I had to go to food banks, borrow money from my parents as the court ordered child support continued to not come. Often we faced eviction from our townhouse. However we managed to stay in the same complex. This fall our complex was sold to a new owner- new name Enclave at Adobe Creek. Many significant improvements in the physical plant have been made. Our community is safer. We have quieter neighbors.

After many court continuances, I finally met my son’s father in court in August 09. I had not seen him in 7 yrs. I was astounded, I felt no anger towards him, no fear. I was neutral. I felt closure in our relationship after 13 yrs. At the end of August- the CA dept of child support seized his tax return and we were able to obtain 9 months of overdue child support. This made it possible to cover our expenses for three months, repair my car and pay off some bills.

Another amazing thing happened. The day after court, I received a phone call from Jose. Two years ago we had dated briefly but broke up due to his telling me he didn’t want a relationship and that my son had too many problems. I continued to send him e-mails letting him know how Josh and I were doing, we saw each other rarely at the community center barely saying hello. But I had chanted for Jose for 2 yrs since our break up. I found out later that he had been chanting for Josh and me for 2 yrs. We both had changed.

Jose asked me to come back to him. We agreed to try our relationship a day at a time. The difference this time is that we put the Gohonzon first, chanting Daimoku and doing gongyo together.

Jose’s support became priceless. I had be warned by several of Josh’s psychiatrists, his county mental health case manager I could not control my son’s violence and out of control behavior. Friends and family implored me to place my son in residential treatment. I was stubborn in thinking that only I could be his primary caregiver, that I needed to remain his Amazon Advocate. The consequences were giving up my medical career, being a hostage in my home and increasingly depressed. I continued to sustain many bruises, sprained wrists and hands. This was despite chanting abundant Daimoku- I was becoming more overwhelmed, exhausted and losing hope about my situation changing.

I deserved to be treated with respect, that no mother should be hit by her son, that I didn’t need to be fearful in my own home. He would chant with me, cook me special meals and tell me stories from his childhood about the loving relationship he had with his parents. He also shared many funny stories helping me to laugh down to my toes. I felt secure and safe with Jose.

It took many incidents with my son from August to the morning of November 16^th, when Josh attacked me with a Tennis racquet, many karate kicks to my abdomen. He was having his usual temper tantrum about refusing to take his morning medication before going to school. He was due to go to an evening intake meeting with Probation for a misdemeanor assault case from attacking a child at our complex. He never made it to school or the probation meeting, because I was able to stand up to him. I called the police. Josh was arrested and taken to Juvenile Hall. The police who came out were kind, disciplined and expert in community policing. I felt he was safe being taken into custody. He has been in Juvenile Hall for 4 weeks. His case is pending as psychological and psychiatric reports are ongoing. He has a great public defender. I feel confidence in the District Attorney on the case. So Josh has been deemed unsafe to come home- he is likely to be placed in some form of residential treatment.

For the first time in 4 yrs, I have not been afraid to go to sleep at night. I don’t have to lock my bedroom door or leave the lights on to protect myself from my son. I am feel confident that my son is getting the services he needs and will have the best placement possible. He has so many Shoten Zenjin- protective functions in the many people involved with his juvenile case, mental health program and school district.

I feel confident resuming my writing and medical careers. I now see my obstacles as a means to deepen my faith, develop more compassion and empathy with others. My relationships with members and leaders in my district and chapter are now warm and friendly. I feel at home for the first time in my local SGI organization.

I am determined to continue my human revolution with Gongyo and abundant Daimoku. I look forward to my developing relationship with Jose. I have found my soulmate and Kosen Rufu partner.

These words from Guidances for Celebrating Spiritual Independence by Daisaku Ikeda continue to encourage me:

“When you yourself stand with deep and invincible faith, you will be able to overcome everything, no matter what situation you find yourself in. You can be victorious in all things when you change , grow and take on responsibility. Everything boils down to you yourself.”

“To possess both wisdom and compassion is the heart of our human revolution. If you have wisdom alone and lack compassion, it will be a cold, perverse kind of wisdom. If you have compassion alone and lack wisdom, you won’t be able to save others. You are even likely to lead them in the wrong direction. You will also be unable to achieve your own happiness.”